About two months ago, I had a cycling accident which resulted in two broken ankles.

There are innumerable “challenges” that come with two broken legs. One being a very limited ability to walk. Most of my time is spent sitting in a wheelchair. This limits me! Obviously. How do I get from the kitchen to the front room? I have a mountain to negotiate in the form of a step. If my wife is free, she will wheelchair me down (or up). This is fine until our timetables clash. I’ve been wanting to move for the last hour. She is in a meeting for the next two hours. Now what? One learns to forward plan. Imminent meeting? Loo trip now! Computer ready- now! Cup of tea made. I’m Meeting ready. See you when you come down. And I promise not to need you halfway through your meeting! I could go on but that’s for future blogs. Now I wanted to reflect on the past couple of months.

I’ve learned again quite how selfish I can be. As a counsellor, people come to me to talk about their lives. They get my time, sympathy, nodding head. And generally find me helpful and empathic. For 50 minutes! Then I finish the session and, mentally, wonder if my wife has loaded the dishwasher yet! Because being in a wheelchair means there are so many things I can’t do. That’s one more unforeseen reaction to being in a wheelchair. My shadow side gets lots of exercise! I’m becoming aware of how selfish I can be. There are times when I feel like a toddler having a tantrum. Why isn’t dinner cooked yet? Why haven’t you cut the grass? You know I can’t! Why haven’t the dogs been walked? (I should point out that my wife works full time. Currently she is trying to balance my demands along with the demands of a full time job. No wonder she looks tired!)

I’m not proud of my needy shadow side. I do try to manage it. But it’s a struggle. Particularly from a wheelchair. Or maybe that’s just an excuse. I really can be this selfish. That’s not something I’m proud of but struggle with. I’d like to think I’m winning. But I don’t know. There will always be a needy, greedy part of me. My hope is that my more generous side will counter my shadow.



Please get in touch if you want to look at your shadow side. As well as celebrating your Light!