What happens in Counselling?

People often ask me “What happens in counselling?” Over the years I’ve tried to come up with an answer. Early in my training I’d say something like “It’s about making the unconscious, conscious.” Which begs more questions than it answers! A bit later I used to say “It’s all about your inner world”. (And I’d hear Captain Kirk’s voice telling me “to boldly go where no man has gone before.”) These days I liken counselling to gardening. I will suggest to clients that we think about counselling as a walk around a garden. Together we’ll walk around their emotional garden and see what’s happening, and why, and how do we change things?

The counselling garden

I like this definition of a garden: “A garden is a planned space, usually outdoors, set aside for the cultivation, display, and enjoyment of plants and other forms of nature.” One of my tasks as a counsellor is to ask my patient to tell me about their emotional garden - to describe it. As we might expect, no two people like the same garden. Nor the same plants and planting scheme. One man’s favoured specimen is another’s weed! My work is not to insist on any given design but to look at what is wanted and enjoyed. And also to look at where a plant is struggling due to being in the wrong place, or by being strangled by a weed. Equally some of our work is to support those plants that are thriving and help them reach their full potential. (I point out that the work is open ended and ongoing. The “perfect” garden never exists. We work towards a garden that works for the gardener - and nobody else.)

Things take time

Unlike television shows that create an “instant” garden, real gardens take work and time, and evolve as the garden grows and changes. That’s the joy of seeing a garden grow and change. The same is true in counselling. There are no instant answers. Things need time to grow into their full potential.

If this describes your emotional garden, please get in touch with me at

terry@aylesburycounsellor.co.uk or phone 07931 500 783