With Mother’s day coming up, I thought that would be a cause for a blog. We learn a lot about an idea by looking at its origins. So I Iooked up the origin of the word “mother’, expecting to read something about its links to “nurturing” or “care giving”. Instead, I was told that the roots of the word are uncertain. The word “father” is given as “one who begets a child”. Again, no mention of care giving but at least the man has a biological function! So, our much-valued parents are lost to language - if not to function. And perhaps this confusion is justified, given that there are as many ways of parenting as there are parents. And no two are the same.

Who is this being whom we call “Mother”? She is our lifeline for the first nine months. She feeds us, protects us, shapes us and tries to prepare us for life out of the womb. Two are inextricably linked with bonds that are lifelong, for good or ill. A brief trawl of Google found endless quotes, all eulogising Mother. “There’s a special place in heaven for a mom like mine.” Or 'Mother's love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.’ Frankly I don’t much like either of these. Neither reflect my experience of my mother. Nor her of her mother. Nor, I suspect, my grandmother’s experience of her mother. These things tend to run in families.

I like this comment by the analyst Donald Winnicott who speaks of “good enough” mothering: "The good-enough mother...starts off with an almost complete adaptation to her infant's needs, and as time proceeds, she adapts less and less completely, …” “Good enough” mothering is good enough.

I don’t know what your experience of being mothered was. Nor of your experience of being a mother. In either case parenting will have raised a storm of feelings and issues for you. Coming to see me will provide you with a safe space to think about parents and parenting. This could be the best Mother’s Day present for you.

The photo is of my mother-in-law, rather than my own mother. Why? Well, I find that I don't have an easily accessible photo of my mother. Which probably tells you something about my relationship with my mother!