A few months ago I had quite a serious cycling accident which resulted in both ankles being broken in two places. It also resulted in a miserable two and a half weeks stay in hospital, followed by two months wearing what we christened my moon boots (See above). Other “side effects” included aching knees where they had to compensate for my damaged ankles, a shuffling and unsteady gait along with a backache from walking with a zimmer frame. (I’m thinking about taking up free fall sky diving on the grounds that it might be safer than cycling!)

What does this have to do with counselling? What’s the connection between them? There are similarities which I’ve put under the heading of “collateral damage”. I think of one of my patients who was sexually abused by one of her siblings over several years. The fall out for her was that a bright young girl who could have gone to university wasted her adolescent years in sex, drugs and alcohol. She had a succession of relationships with men who, in their own ways, continued the abuse. Physically and emotionally. “Collateral damage” from the original damage following the sexual abuse.

Another patient comes to mind. Mike, a 40 years old man brought up by parents who were rigidly evangelical and who instilled in him the idea that he was an unworthy sinner. He made a bad marriage which ended in divorce and very serious suicide attempt. More “collateral damage”.

Finally there is Michelle who had a violent father and an emotionally unavailable mother who used alcohol to try and numb the pain of a bad marriage. And whose alcoholic mother would consistently denigrate her by telling her how useless she was. That she was nothing but a failure as a human being. Unsurprisingly, Michelle has had a long history of depression and has also not fulfilled her many talents.

Each of these people came to see me because their lives were being spoiled as a consequence of events outside their direct control. Talking with a counsellor can help. It can locate the origin of your current difficulties and start the process of healing. 

If I can help, please get in touch at terry@aylesburycounsellor.co.uk or phone 07931500783, and make an appointment to see me. Together we can start to repair that collateral damage that has caused so much pain.