I’ve recently seen two films- Oppenheimer and Barbie. I preferred Barbie, despite feeling that here was a film in need of a good editor. It got lost on several occasions - despite having Helen Mirren as a commentator. But that’s always a risk when dealing with Change. It’s a slippery creature. As T.S.Eliot said

 "Words strain, Crack and sometimes break, under the burden, Under the tension, slip, slide, perish, Decay with imprecision, will not stay in place, Will not stay still… "

Words, ideas, hopes and dreams all fit Eliot’s comment. 

Both Oppenheimer and Barbie are about changing the world. In Oppenheimer’s case it is by the creation and use of the Atomic bomb which was dropped on Hiroshima. For Barbie it is about challenging Patriarchy - at some cost to the fantasy Barbie whose encounter with reality comes when she discovers that she has flat feet! (Perhaps a lesser trauma than the estimated 110,000 people killed in Hiroshima and Nagasaki.) 

As a therapist people come to me with the wish - spoken or unspoken - to have things change. And it usually is “things”. The understanding that it is they who need to change, usually comes after four or five sessions. And hits them with a good deal of force. It comes out in their dreams much of the time. Dreams being, as Freud put it, “the royal road to the unconscious.” (If you want an idea of your inner world, attend to your dreams.) Then, like Barbie and her flat feet, change can begin.

On my website I have this quote “Don’t let your past control your future.” This is the central tenet of my work as a psychodynamic therapist, that how we are today is shaped by our past. Behind every anxious woman lies an anxious mother. Behind every angry man lies an angry and overbearing father. The work of therapy is to discover this link and to be aware of the messages and their impact. (This one of many good reasons why any reputable therapist will have had their own therapy as part of their training. An un-self aware therapist can do irreparable damage. Which is not to say that self-aware therapists won’t get things wrong. Sometimes we will and do. But we all try our best to ensure that mistakes don’t happen too often.)

There is no suggestion that either Barbie or Oppenheimer set out to hurt anyone at a personal level. (Although Oppenheimer and company made decisions with far reaching effects.) But Barbie’s choices hurt Ken, her companion. But if I change, other people will be affected. Like Rubrik’s cube, change in one place inevitably brings change somewhere else.

I’ll finish this blog with a quote from Viktor Frankl:

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."

If you want to change, or think you need to change, contact me.